what a wonderful world.

HI!
SO...
I'm still not a college student YET.
Yea a lot of people are already officially registered as a college student in some university, but not me. I'm still waiting for the tests result.
yep, I said TESTS, as a plural because I had already done a several tests to get in to several college.
SBMPTN, check.
STP Bandung, check.
The results, about 2 weeks from now and I don't know if I can handle if I don't get into any college from the tests.
Seriously tho, right now I'm basically hoping for the best but expecting the worst because the last time I was being oh so hopeful (snmptn), I didn't get in and it hurts like a beyotch.
I'm hanging on to this verse from the Holy Bible;
  "If God is for us, who can be against us?" -Rome 8:31
and this quote;
  "Do what you can, and God will do what you can't"
Seriously tho, God is so very almighty and basically He has already prepared for my future before I was even a creature, so I just gotta trust Him. Have faith that He holds my future in His hand and everything will be okay in the end.
So, I'm now trying to be my best self, and not because I want to get in to college but because I want to enter my new chapter of my life and I want to be a better person that reflects Love, Faith, and Hope in everything I do and be the bright light to express His love in this bitter world.
I know, I know that sounds sooooo hippie and cheesy but I mean it.
Doesn't mean that I'm now a perfect, joyful, human being that doesn't do bad at all. Like I said I am TRYING  so I still have to fight everyday against the bitter and the rage inside of me and it's a hell of a battle.
I still face the same problem everyday, and I have to shut the urge to say bad things or be bitter about them everyday.
I face the demon inside and the temptation to be mean and I fight them everyday, because I wanna be my best self.
Sure, sometimes I fail and I let the rage and the bitter come out but it's not the same as I used to be.
I'm trying to be grateful about my life because if I don't appreciate it, then it's still gonna be bitter and the bitterness isn't gonna only affect my pessimist judgement, it'll affect my family and friends and everything around me as well.
So I'm trying to see good things and the good reason in my bitter life and be grateful about it so hopefully everyone around me can feel the bright and the positive-ness (is that even a word?) because of me.
besides, I'm a christian, I do believe in God and God is love and love is real and positive and beautiful. So why don't I use the love to make people around me feels better even it's a teeny tiny amount of love?