it's been awhile since i posted anything
ha, remember i once posted my wish that 2014(or was it 2015?) to be better than ever?
well guess what, it's going downhill.
seriously it keeps getting shittier. i miss my high school bffs badly, i hate my campus, i barely can tolerate the people in there and my family is a big giant mess.
probably what keeps me going is my internet friends and my fandoms (no i am not in one direction fandom anymore though i still love 1d with all my black heart)
i don't know i just feel so stressed out over everything that's going on in my life. i feel like everything is just plain wrong and makes me feel so unhappy. i hate how my campus provide low internet connection and shitty professors, i hate how people in there are so left behind and so awful at english and modern world, i hate some people there that think they are better than everyone eventhough they can't even dress properly. i hate how my family is so dramatic and fight over the same things all over again and again and again. i hate how they treat me like an object instead of a person. i hate how they keep forgetting that i am in fact just a mere human being with feelings. i might not show it to them but i feel it. they demand me to provide them with money and material things when i grow older but they don't even give two shits about my feelings. basically they treat me like a money machine or whatever.
i hate them
i may tolerate them but there is a hidden frustration behind my calm, you have no idea how badly i want to just graduate, have a proper job, and leave the mess that is my family behind.
they think i'm gonna give them happiness (read:$$) LOL NOPE i'm gonna make ME happy first, yes call me a selfish bitch or whatever but i have been unhappy since long ago around them it's not my job to make them happy, all i'm responsible of happiness is myself.
and my happiness is not even a material thing, my happiness is being alone, have a normal life and doing things that i actually want to do instead of people tell me to do.
and my happiness DEFINITELY leaving this toxic family behind.
they are just the bad influence in my life. they are sexist, they are homophobes, they are hypocrites and a very abusive people.
and i know that i'm not entirely hate them, there are good times too around them but those moments are rare compared with the bad ones. i may don't like them but know that i never wish them ill, i only wish them to grow up and be a better people.
one thing that's sure whether i will end up as a mother or not, i will NEVER give my children the kind of life that i've lived growing up.
so that's it. adios bitchachos.
