This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro
All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised
Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire
You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, I've got scars
That I will never show
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know
Cause all the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I'm not broken or bruised
'Cause now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me
There's a part of me I can't get back
A little girl grew up too fast
All it took was once, I'll never be the same
Now I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway
Now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
No oh, yeah, yeah
You can never hurt me again
my freakin' life
Have you ever think about leaving your current life without telling everyone and start a whole new life somewhere else where nobody knows you. Well, I did.
I always think about leaving my family, friends, and all my life now and start a new life far from here. I want to start a whole new me and I kinda hope that in my new life there will be no more drama and no more shitty things that really hurt me. because in my current life I'm so done with my life now. there are so many things that wrong in my family that I don't know where I'm supposed to fix it first. I really want to have a normal life. I had never asked for wealthy family and have a lot of moneys, I just want to have a normal life.
Sometimes I feel jealous of my other friends because they have a normal life and have normal parents they can look up to. Me? my parents are not the kind of parents that the kids should look up to. I know God given me that parents for a reason and He did it because He thinks it is the best for me. But, at some point I really wish I have someone to look up to, someone who is mature enough to give me some good advice about life. someone who take care of me and not me taking care of them. I'm tired because I have to be the tough one this family. I'm tired that I have to be the nice one in this family. I'm tired because I have nobody that really understand my situation and I really need someone that I can rely on. I'm sick of being alone and lost in my thought because I can never really tell someone how I really feel deep inside. I'm tired being hurt. So many things I've ever been to and so many bad word have been told to me and because of that I feel kind of numb right now. I can never be hurt again because I feel nothing when someone said bad things to me. I can't feel anything now. I guess all of the bad things that ever happened to me made me the toughest person you ever known. I'm not easily breakdown now. I'm no longer sad about stupid things like boys or some cheesy stuffs like that. And sometimes I get frustrated about my friends who cried and disturbed about stupid shits or stupid problems. I mean, look at me I've been through all the biggest shits and problems and I'm still living my life, right? I feel they don't deserve to feel desperate about little shits like that, that is really immature and stupid. I hate weak girls who cry over stupid things, like wtf bitch, you got a nice supportive family who had never abuse you! consider yourself lucky, bitch!
But, not gonna lie. eventhough my life is a shitty life and I have grown stronger for it, there are times that I just wanna feel okay and be a normal teenagers who think about boys, school, and others. I want that. but what can I do? it's too late to have that kind of life, right? so all I want now is hoping that someday my kids never have to feel the way I feel now and having a better teenage year than me.
I always think about leaving my family, friends, and all my life now and start a new life far from here. I want to start a whole new me and I kinda hope that in my new life there will be no more drama and no more shitty things that really hurt me. because in my current life I'm so done with my life now. there are so many things that wrong in my family that I don't know where I'm supposed to fix it first. I really want to have a normal life. I had never asked for wealthy family and have a lot of moneys, I just want to have a normal life.
Sometimes I feel jealous of my other friends because they have a normal life and have normal parents they can look up to. Me? my parents are not the kind of parents that the kids should look up to. I know God given me that parents for a reason and He did it because He thinks it is the best for me. But, at some point I really wish I have someone to look up to, someone who is mature enough to give me some good advice about life. someone who take care of me and not me taking care of them. I'm tired because I have to be the tough one this family. I'm tired that I have to be the nice one in this family. I'm tired because I have nobody that really understand my situation and I really need someone that I can rely on. I'm sick of being alone and lost in my thought because I can never really tell someone how I really feel deep inside. I'm tired being hurt. So many things I've ever been to and so many bad word have been told to me and because of that I feel kind of numb right now. I can never be hurt again because I feel nothing when someone said bad things to me. I can't feel anything now. I guess all of the bad things that ever happened to me made me the toughest person you ever known. I'm not easily breakdown now. I'm no longer sad about stupid things like boys or some cheesy stuffs like that. And sometimes I get frustrated about my friends who cried and disturbed about stupid shits or stupid problems. I mean, look at me I've been through all the biggest shits and problems and I'm still living my life, right? I feel they don't deserve to feel desperate about little shits like that, that is really immature and stupid. I hate weak girls who cry over stupid things, like wtf bitch, you got a nice supportive family who had never abuse you! consider yourself lucky, bitch!
But, not gonna lie. eventhough my life is a shitty life and I have grown stronger for it, there are times that I just wanna feel okay and be a normal teenagers who think about boys, school, and others. I want that. but what can I do? it's too late to have that kind of life, right? so all I want now is hoping that someday my kids never have to feel the way I feel now and having a better teenage year than me.
what I want to do in my life.
So, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. like what I really wanna do in the future and it came down to this 3 option:
1. Fashion thing
why? because I really like combining items like creating a style for people and eventhough I'm not a really fashionable person(because I'm not rich) trust me, I still catch up the latest news from the industry(i guess). at least I know some fashion brands, the designers, and models, or anyhing else. And If I want to be in this 'fashion' business, I'm quite sure about the job. I can be a stylist or editor in some magazine because I like styling people and I'm too ugly to be a model and too dumb at designing to be a designer.
2. Politics/Human rights/Justice
why? because I'm aware about today's news and about what happening now in my country. the politic situation is chaos in here and too many corruption in this country and I really want to change it. I really wanna stop this cycle of corruption. I just don't know how. and because of the corruption, politics, and injustice, other people's life is in danger. because to be on top some people can do anything even it is not right. and even it means they have to destroy other people's life. that's really awful. I really can't tell the difference between human and animal lately. because if you do such an awful thing like that, I'm sorry but you're not even a human. what the hell is happening about the value of humanity? aren't we as a human born with intellect and blessed with human rights? so why do we keep hurting each other and destroy each other as if they don't mean anything? why do we chase something that is not gonna last forever like money? yes money can buy you things but does money make you go straight to heaven? nope.
and then in my country there are a lack of tollerance about each other's religion. that is another thing that I really want to change. because I've seen terrible things. I've seen what people from another religion did to my religion. they burned the curch, they demand the government to shut down a church. why? because they said that we're a noise and it is bothering them. wtf?!
3.Work at the United Nations.
why? because eventhough I'm not the nicest people all the time, I really enjoy helping people. I really enjoy if I can make someone smile or happy. and I really want to explore the world. I want to meet people from a different country who needed help and getting involved helping them. I don't wanna be just another philanthropist who donates the money to people. I want to spend time and sharing the same situation with other people, so I can really understand what they feel. I want to help the starving kids, orphanage, and other people who aren't as lucky as I am. Maybe if I work for the UN, I can do all of that! And some of my friends and family think that it is not a good idea because I can't get a lot of moneys from that and they said I should considering work for the government if I want to succes in my future. But that's not the point, I don't work just for the moneys. I'm chasing the experience! I mean, if I work for the government what kind experience I can get? just driving to the office, spend the whole day at the office, got stuck at the traffic on the way home. No, that's not what I want. I want to do something that actually meant something to somebody's life. I want to travel around the world, meeting new people, learn new culture, and I can get all of that while I'm helping other people, right?
So, that's all. maybe one day I'll get the perfect future for me. maybe one day I'll be a environmental lawyer who works for the United Nation while opening a new clothing line! hey nothing's impossible, right? even the words itself I'M-POSSIBLE:)
1. Fashion thing
why? because I really like combining items like creating a style for people and eventhough I'm not a really fashionable person(because I'm not rich) trust me, I still catch up the latest news from the industry(i guess). at least I know some fashion brands, the designers, and models, or anyhing else. And If I want to be in this 'fashion' business, I'm quite sure about the job. I can be a stylist or editor in some magazine because I like styling people and I'm too ugly to be a model and too dumb at designing to be a designer.
2. Politics/Human rights/Justice
why? because I'm aware about today's news and about what happening now in my country. the politic situation is chaos in here and too many corruption in this country and I really want to change it. I really wanna stop this cycle of corruption. I just don't know how. and because of the corruption, politics, and injustice, other people's life is in danger. because to be on top some people can do anything even it is not right. and even it means they have to destroy other people's life. that's really awful. I really can't tell the difference between human and animal lately. because if you do such an awful thing like that, I'm sorry but you're not even a human. what the hell is happening about the value of humanity? aren't we as a human born with intellect and blessed with human rights? so why do we keep hurting each other and destroy each other as if they don't mean anything? why do we chase something that is not gonna last forever like money? yes money can buy you things but does money make you go straight to heaven? nope.
and then in my country there are a lack of tollerance about each other's religion. that is another thing that I really want to change. because I've seen terrible things. I've seen what people from another religion did to my religion. they burned the curch, they demand the government to shut down a church. why? because they said that we're a noise and it is bothering them. wtf?!
3.Work at the United Nations.
why? because eventhough I'm not the nicest people all the time, I really enjoy helping people. I really enjoy if I can make someone smile or happy. and I really want to explore the world. I want to meet people from a different country who needed help and getting involved helping them. I don't wanna be just another philanthropist who donates the money to people. I want to spend time and sharing the same situation with other people, so I can really understand what they feel. I want to help the starving kids, orphanage, and other people who aren't as lucky as I am. Maybe if I work for the UN, I can do all of that! And some of my friends and family think that it is not a good idea because I can't get a lot of moneys from that and they said I should considering work for the government if I want to succes in my future. But that's not the point, I don't work just for the moneys. I'm chasing the experience! I mean, if I work for the government what kind experience I can get? just driving to the office, spend the whole day at the office, got stuck at the traffic on the way home. No, that's not what I want. I want to do something that actually meant something to somebody's life. I want to travel around the world, meeting new people, learn new culture, and I can get all of that while I'm helping other people, right?
So, that's all. maybe one day I'll get the perfect future for me. maybe one day I'll be a environmental lawyer who works for the United Nation while opening a new clothing line! hey nothing's impossible, right? even the words itself I'M-POSSIBLE:)
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