my freakin' life

Have you ever think about leaving your current life without telling everyone and start a whole new life somewhere else where nobody knows you. Well, I did.
I always think about leaving my family, friends, and all my life now and start a new life far from here. I want to start a whole new me and I kinda hope that in my new life there will be no more drama and no more shitty things that really hurt me. because in my current life I'm so done with my life now. there are so many things that wrong in my family that I don't know where I'm supposed to fix it first. I really want to have a normal life. I had never asked for wealthy family and have a lot of moneys, I just want to have a normal life.
Sometimes I feel jealous of my other friends because they have a normal life and have normal parents they can look up to. Me? my parents are not the kind of parents that the kids should look up to. I know God given me that parents for a reason and He did it because He thinks it is the best for me. But, at some point I really wish I have someone to look up to, someone who is mature enough to give me some good advice about life. someone who take care of me and not me taking care of them. I'm tired because I have to be the tough one this family. I'm tired that I have to be the nice one in this family. I'm tired because I have nobody that really understand my situation and I really need someone that I can rely on. I'm sick of being alone and lost in my thought because I can never really tell someone how I really feel deep inside. I'm tired being hurt. So many things I've ever been to and so many bad word have been told to me and because of that I feel kind of numb right now. I can never be hurt again because I feel nothing when someone said bad things to me. I can't feel anything now. I guess all of the bad things that ever happened to me made me the toughest person you ever known. I'm not easily breakdown now. I'm no longer sad about stupid things like boys or some cheesy stuffs like that. And sometimes I get frustrated about my friends who cried and disturbed about stupid shits or stupid problems. I mean, look at me I've been through all the biggest shits and problems and I'm still living my life, right? I feel they don't deserve to feel desperate about little shits like that, that is really immature and stupid. I hate weak girls who cry over stupid things, like wtf bitch, you got a nice supportive family who had never abuse you! consider yourself lucky, bitch!
But, not gonna lie. eventhough my life is a shitty life and I have grown stronger for it, there are times that I just wanna feel okay and be a normal teenagers who think about boys, school, and others. I want that. but what can I do? it's too late to have that kind of life, right? so all I want now is hoping that someday my kids never have to feel the way I feel now and having a better teenage year than me.