Thoughts.

have you ever wondered about life? especially your life. well.......... I know I've been thinking about that and there are a lot of questions in my head about my life.
I've been thinking about life like in my own opinon, my life(or everybody's life?) is made of small pieces of memory. I mean, what you are now is a person that created by your past(get it?). And your past feelings and emotions. 
I also think that everybody's including me are dying. why? because each day we become closer and closer to our death. scary? But it's a fact. We have a time here in this world and sooner or later we're gonna run out of time. We just don't know how, when, and where will we gonna die. And when your time's up, you can't do anything about it. All you have to do is just wait in somewhere out of this world(i don't know what is that place) that God has created for the dead people.
So I appreciate people who do the best they can do whether in their relationship with God or relationship with other people or in their carrer because they know that life is only happen just once and once is enough for those people.
For myself, I'm not those people(yet). I'm still wasting my time here in this world doing nothing. I still haven't figure out what I want to do in my life. I still get lost if someone ask me about my future. I don't know what I want to be remember with. All I know is I wanna have successful carrier and become better than my parents. I wanna be remembered by people because of my good deeds.
Funny thing is that I'm still 16 years old and I'm thinking about all of that stuffs. Is it make me weird? because normally a 16 year old girls usually think about make-up, boys, hang-out, partying, and other things. While here I am alone thinking about that. But it doesn't mean I don't think about that 'normal' stuffs. I do sometimes, but in a sarcastic way like 'what is the purpose of doing that?' or 'does it affect their future?'. Yeah, that's weird. Sometimes I wanna be like that too, like those 'normal' teenagers but then I don't want to. I am more interested in doing something that more valuable to me. Why? probably because I've been through problems that they haven't even face. 

that is my thoughts........... I just wanna spill it out into words sorry if there's a bad/wrong grammars:)

 

little things-one direction

Your hand fits in mine
Like it's made just for me
But bear this in mind
It was meant to be
And i'm joining up the dots
With the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me

I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes
When you smile,
You've never loved
Your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back
At the bottom of your spine
But i'll love them endlessly

CHORUS:
I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if i do
It's you
Oh it's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

You cant go to bed
Without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason
That you talk in your sleep
And all those conversation
Are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

I know you've never loved the sound of your voice tape
You know want to know how much weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me

CHORUS:
I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
but if it's true
It's you
Oh it's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

You'll never love yourself
Half as much as I love you
You'll never treat yourself right darlin'
But i want you to
If i let you know
I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like i love you
Oh..

I've just let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
Because it's you
Oh it's you
It's you
They add up to
And i'm in love you
And all these little things

I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you
It's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all your little things

world of pain

akhir-akhir ini gue nemu benjolan di leher belakang gue dan itu bikin leher gue pegeeeeeeeel bgt rasanya pgn dicekrekin gt biar gak pegel tp gabisa. dan gue takut bgt ini kanker atau tumor atau penyakit berbahaya lainnya. gue cuma gak mau jadi beban buat keluarga gue kalo gue penyakitan. dan gue gamau meninggal, gue gak mau dan gue gak siap untuk ninggalin orang-orang yg ada di sekitar gue yang sayang bgt sm gue. gue pengen bikin mereka bahagia dulu dan bangga akan gue.
kemaren gue takut nyokap gue kena kanker dan sekarang gue takut gue sendiri yg kena. gue cuma pengin kembali ke masa kecil gue. dimana gue gak perlu khawatir ttg sakit penyakit atau yg lain. dimana gue bahagia bgt sm bokap nyokap dimana cuma ada kita bertiga yg selalu ada satu sama lain. gue sayang bgt sm mereka walaupun gue gak nunjukin.
gue gak mau bikin mereka sedih dan gue pingin mereka bangga dan bahagia.
senin besok gue bakal diopname buat diperiksa ttg benjolan ini. gue ngerasa takut dan gaberani bgt untuk tau hasilnya. gue takut hasilnya.........parah. gue gamau tau ttg ini sakit apa krn gue takut sm kenyataan buruk yg nanti mungkin gue hadepin. gue takut kalau ternyata hasilnya gue kanker dan udah parah. gue takut bgt. gue saat ini cuma bisa berdoa sm Tuhan Yesus ttg ini. 
God, help me:"(

                                                                                                                    "hoping for the best but expecting the worst"

:"(

somehow, i feel like i grow up too fast. gila ya gue udah umur 16 tahun aja, udah kelas 2 SMA. this are the things that when i was a kid i've imagined, being in highschool. dulu kayanya 16 tahun itu udah tua bangeet trus gue ganyangka aja gue tiba-tiba udah kelas 11 gini. dan jujur  i haven't figuring out what my future like. i mean, let's be honest, gue pengen jadi orang sukses oke semua orang juga pengen masa depannya sukses. but the thing is i think i don't know ho to reach that. gue masih belum tau gue pengen kerja jadi apa, apa yang harus gue lakuin untuk menghasilkan uang, dll. gue ngerasa gue belum siap jika nanti suatu saat gue harus masuk ke dunia nyata, dunia kerja, ngelamar kerja, dll. gue ngerasa gue itu masih butuh nyokap dan bokap untuk selamanya. gue sering bgt mikir, 'ih kayanya gue baru kemaren dianterin tk sama nyokap gue'. jujur, gue pgn bgt ngulang masa kecil gue. gue pgn bgt jd anak yg selalu sm nyokap kaya dulu. gue pgn ngerasain dimanjain kaya dulu, ngerasa keluarga yg bener-bener bahagia kaya dulu. when i was a little kid i didn't have to worry about the chances losing one of your family member. now, i just have to prepare myself for the possibility of losing the one i love. because everybody get old. and i'm not ready for losing them forever. i just wish i could re-live that good old times when everything was okay in my family:(

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Lightweight-Demi Lovato

The slightest words you said, 
Have all gone to my head 
I hear angels sing, in your voice 
When you pull me close, 
Feelings I've never known 
They mean everything, 
And leave me no choice 

Light on my heart, 
Light on my feet, 
Light in your eyes, 
I can't even speak 
Do you even know, 
How you make me weak 

I'm a lightweight better be careful what you say 
With every word I'm blown away 
You're in control of my heart 

I'm a lightweight easy to fall easy to break 
With every move my whole world shakes 
Keep me from falling apart 

Make a promise please 
You'll always be in reach 
Just in case I need 
You there when I call (Here when I call) 
This is all so new 
Seems to good to be true 
Could this really be 
A safe place to fall 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/demi+lovato/lightweight_20981640.html ] 
Light on my heart, 
Light on my feet, 
Light in your eyes, 
I can't even speak 
Do you even know, 
How you make me weak 
Oh ohhh 

I'm a lightweight better be careful what you say 
With every word I'm blown away 
You're in control of my heart 

I'm a lightweight easy to fall easy to break 
With every move my whole world shakes 
Keep me from falling apart 

Keep me from falling down 
Drowned in your love 
It's almost all too much 
Handle with care 
Say you'll be there 

Oh, I'm a lightweight better be careful what you say 
With every word I'm blown away 
You're in control of my heart 

I'm a lightweight easy to fall easy to break 
With every move my whole world shakes 
Keep me from falling apart 

Keep me from falling apart 

Keep me from falling apart 

Oh ohhh 
Falling apart

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PETOK FAMS

itu petok:)
ya itu keluarga kedua gueee dan gua sayaaaaaaaaaaang banget sama mereka. gabisa ngebayangin kalo harus pisah sama mereka:(
kita itu gue, ici, lilla, reva, rexa, farrel, sama yg lain banyak deh males ngetiknya haha.
aaaaa kita tuh udh kemana-mana bareng, saling ngebantuin, aaaah pokoknya sayang mereka banget deh. 

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